White Boy Can Jump

Today, Pops and I went up to Cedar to watch Hutcher play basketball. It was just freakin cool !! The kid is five, but seriously is a stud. I can't wait till all the boys get bigger and I can watch them play... cause if it is half as fun as it is now.. it will be awesome. Wish I could get up there more to watch... next on my list is Porter in basketball :)

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

I Grew Up on The Street

This week was another classic scrubs !! Sesame street characters were on it.. and it was awesome. The first six minutes were my favorite.. here is a clip. The best line..."I grew up on the street.. No not the hood.. Sesame Street." Ha !! I love it. For some reason this clip might take awhile to download so hit play.. then still pause to let it download for awhile. Then turn down my music on the left to watch...

A Dog and Her Burger

Every night before Nut goes to sleep.. she finds her burger. I call it her lover... she licks it, and nuzzles it, and stares at it before she will go to sleep. The thing is old, torn, and got some black slimy gook on it. It is disgusting, but it is her lover.. so I don't have the heart to throw it away. :)

Never Lose Hope

I have been stuck on a song lately.. you know the ones. You like it so much you keep hitting repeat, and rock out in the car to it, over and over again. Sometimes I think I should have been an English Teacher cause sometimes I get too deep, annoyingly so !! :) Well, my latest song is by one of my favoritist bands.. Nickelback, "Gotta be Somebody". I love the meaning of the song and what it stands for. It definitely applies to me because I am still looking for that somebody. The video is awesome... as they are singing in different places.. the earth is shaking, cracking.. and you really don't know why. Then at the end.. there are tons of people around them, jumping up and down dancing. I think this shows.. that a lot of times we might think we are alone.. but there are really people all around us shaking us up, changing us, being there for us.... and sometimes in the right moments, and when we really look we see them. It is not an easy thing to be a single, chubby, 36 year old, mormon gal, living in St. George. Now I am not saying this for pity or compliments.. just telling it like it is. :) I used to really let it get me down.. but now I find that I am content with my life, so content that I finally have hope.. hope that someday I will find that somebody !! I have come a long way.. in obtaining those feelings.. and those of you that know me.. understand this. So my earth is shaking, and I just don't see him yet..he could be... Captain Moroni waiting for me in the after life, or some really hot Australian guy that always wears a loin cloth, or the guy I never notice behind the to go counter at Harmon's. The possibilities are limitless!! So I listen to these lyrics, and watch the video with a renewed hope. A hope that someday I will find that somebody... Cause there has gotta be somebody out there for me !! Turn down my music to the left to watch...

Weekend Update

Publish Post

You don't have to travel to colorful places.. to have a colorful life !! I had a variety of great things happen this weekend.....

I was introduced to Facebook by one of my old friends, Mel. I have been asked to get on Facebook before and haven't.. but Mel was persuasive. What a blast!! I am addicted.. I have found tons of old friends, which has been awesome. I posted tons of old photos as a dedication.. and everyone seems to be loving them.. Like I need another internet addiction... Facebook and Blogging !!

My little Taloo Boo.. performed with the cheerleaders at the basketball game. She did a great job!! It is so funny cause she hates it when people watch her perform.. she is always telling Michelle.. don't look at me !! Ha !!























This be Kenyon.. he is a spaz.. and I love it!! I took tickets at the basketball game on Friday. We played Pine View, which just happens to be our big rivals. We won !! Yep, yep !! But, I loved Kenyon's spirit.. he rocks!! I tried to get him to hold still for the pic.. but the kid never holds still !!





















Chilled with my new niece Tessa... of course.. DUH!! Love this pic.. it looks like she is smiling.. I keep telling Stace she smiled at me.. even though she is too little.. I know she does !! Stace calls her "Little Mama".. very cute. She is such a good Mommy. I am very proud of her !!






































Friday at school I took a "What Disney Hero Are You?" Quiz with some of my students... I was Quasimodo!! What the hell? We were just laughing forever about that one!!

Amore... What is it?

Lately, for some reason I have been thinking about...LOVE.. and what it means. I think it has been a culmination of things that have led me to this pondering. Tessa being born, Valentine's Day coming up, Mikey bugging me about finding someone to marry, some of my girls at school struggling with relationships... etc. I am not getting any younger... I remember one of my bosses telling me that when you turn 35... your knees start hurting as you climb the stairs. When I turned 35 a couple of years ago, I was proud of the fact that my knees didn't hurt. Especially with my fatness adding the extra pressure.. Well, just last week it happened.. they hurt.. and it sunk in... oldness. :>) So in my oldness and experiences, I feel that I have been blessed with some insight on love. Now mind you.. love still eludes me, I am not married so I think I lack some light on romantic love.. but like anyone else I am learning the love road on a daily basis. This is what that road means to me now...

SACRIFICE....The truest form of love has to begin with some sort of sacrifice... whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual... we have to be willing to give up a part of ourselves to that person we love. We must do this with no thought of repayment, or malice. But with the thought that this sacrifice will only make us better and stronger connected to that love for that person. I have learned that sometimes this sacrifice is extremely painful. I think of my mom.. and all that has come about with her and I these past years... so much pain.. yet her and I both sacrificed in those painful moments.. and what I have come to realize is that I did it, and was willing to, cause I loved her. Even though that pain is still real and there.. I will continue to travel on that road of love as a sacrifice. It has made me love her deeper, I think. Beyond what this life can comprehend. I know.... I KNOW.. that in the next life that love will be compensated because of our sacrifices.

I LOVE ME.... Yah, I am fat... and proud of it. I have struggled with this all of my life.. I am a Miller. I still struggle with it... but what I am learning is that.. I am harder on myself than anyone else.. and...beauty comes from within. There is a light within all of us.. and that light shines based on how much we love ourselves. The truest form of love is basic.. we must love ourselves in order to love others. We shouldn't love ourselves based on how we look, or what we accomplish.. but in how we treat others and serve others. This is where we can look past our faults and give ourselves to others.. and it makes us beautiful !! I have learned this through my career. How I love to wake up, and go to my classroom, and have kids need me to help them. I relish in loving them and being there for them. Now, mind you I fall at times.. and forget about this TRUEST FORM of love. But, these kids.. remind me all the time. Just the other day, I was talking to some kids about relationships... and my grumpy Maxi was being grumpy as usual.. and I said.. "Better be careful Maxi.. or you will end up alone like me." And, without missing a beat, he stated, "You are not alone Tam, you have us." Truely, we cannot love others without truly loving ourselves !!

CONNECTION, A FULL CIRCLE... Lastly, I think in love there has to be some sort of connection or familiarity. When, I think of the people that I truly love in my life there is a whisper of knowledge that sometime, somewhere, I knew you before. I cannot deny this.. for I have felt it numerous times. Holding Tessa, or Coop, or Porter, or Hutcher.... I knew them.. there is a connection. I have family and friends.. that love comes so easy with, that I know we were and will always be together. We have chosen before to be with the people we most love.. there is no chance to it.. and no limit. Unfortunately, I think nowadays, this connection is confused with sex, or physical closeness.. but what I have tried to explain to the girls that come to my room looking for that connection is that... "Familiarity, and comfortableness... with just being doesn't come from sex.. but from that connection of before, and of being better people together." This connection we feel with others.. is only love if what we do together lifts us up and helps us be better people to ourselves and each other. The connection is a full circle.. we connect.. lift.. then we are lifted... that is love.

So, I just had to share.. it has been weighing on my mind... and I felt the need to talk about it here.. This is the longest post I have done. :>) I hope that in some way it helps whoever it is meant for... cause if it does... love has happened !!

Grey Moments

K... I don't know about you.. but last weeks Grey's Anatomy episode was amazing. The last ten minutes of the show... was some of the most touching, powerful, stuff on television I have seen in awhile. I was only able to get this one scene... but there was so much more referenced at the end. Like... redeeming our mistakes, walking tall when we have failed, love of a family, and sacrifice... Just awesome !! Thank you TIVO :>)

Naughty Nina !!

It is a good thing that my Nina Bean is cute... cause sometimes.. UGH !! I want to strangle her. Her favorite thing lately is digging holes in my backyard. She will run back in my house with dirt all over her nose and paws. When I yell at her she looks up at me with those baby browns... "What mom??" .. "What did I do??"... Good Hell !! :>)

Lovin' Being an Aunt

Make a Smilebox postcard

Spreading My Wings

Awhile ago I did a post about Tessa.. and how I felt like she was a caterpillar in my sister's belly... that would soon be a butterfly... beautiful, ready to spread her wings. I also talked about how at times our faith or hope is like this.. sometimes dark and hidden... waiting to be beautiful, and take flight. Well, seeing her born, watching my sister and Charlie, and holding her has renewed my faith. She is beautiful... amazingly beautiful. And the light that she carries burns my soul... I can't wait to see my little butterfly.. spread her wings.. and take flight. To see what she becomes for her parents, and for me. You know at times... it breaks my heart that I don't have my own kids... but, then I am blessed with this insight... and deep love for kids that are not my own. Sometimes we don't get what we want... but He gives us something to make up for that loss. I thank Him.. :>)

Virgin Lips

Driving by our marque at school the other day and saw this....

























So of course I start thinking of what SB and VL are... Um Softball and Volleyball.. I don't know was perplexed with what it was !! So I talked to Anna Banana who is in charge of putting info. on our marque. She informed me that SB stood for "Spencer Brown" which is our Student Body President and VL... stood for "Virgin Lips". So pretty much... "Spencer is not Virgin Lips". He got his first kiss !!! LOL... I love it !!! Love my school !! Good Stuff !!

Mr. Stork Stops By

I am blessed !! This morning I woke up to a call from my sister... "Get up.. Baby Tessa is coming !!". On my way to the hospital.. I had a moment. You know those moments when the veil is thin, you are not really thinking about anything, and then all of the sudden you feel love, warmth.. I had one.. Tessa told me she was coming and excited to come. Well, she did at 4:47 pm today !! I am so proud of Stace, she was so brave and amazing. And Charlay was just sweet as always, doting and loving her. Tessa Nicole Bailey will change our lives.. she told me so today on my way to meet her... I look forward to it !! And thanks Mr. Stork... you are MAGIC !! Stop my music to the left to watch the video...

Air Mikey

Chef Chan

I will never forget the first time I met Chan. He was wearing khaki shorts, a bright purple shirt, and a yellow beret. He had a crowd of people around him that he seemed to be entertaining, and when he smiled at me.. I knew that we would become great friends.... He is a man of many talents... and though I tease him quite a bit.. because of him I have Andee and him in my life, not to mention three great godkids. I wanted to thank him somehow for the awesome day he gave us... and in my own silly way I decided to write him a poem !! One of the mostest, favoritist, talents that I benefit from knowing Chan... is his cooking. I always enjoy a good meal when I go up to see them or they come down to see me... He is by far the bestest chef... He is...

CHEF CHAN !!
My tummy loves Chef Chan.
It growls ... You be the man !!!
Chef Chan always makes it yummy treats.
What he concocts, and creates is no small feat.
From pico de gallo eggs, to beef stroganoff.
Chef Chan is the head honcho cooking boss.
My tummy rumbles and gurgles in thanks.
For all the good food from him that it partakes !!



Thanks Chan... Love you :>)

Gettin a Rub Down From Hans

Lots of people have tried to get me to get facials, massages, pedicures... etc. for a long time. I don't wanna !!! I have this thing about people I don't know touching me.... just not appealing. Andal my Love Handle, called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that Chan was springing to get us a day at the spa...um, I didn't really wanna go, but Andal wanted me to... so I told her I would. When we first got there, they took us to a relaxation room... um.. I was struggling.. no plants, or candles, or ocean music was gonna relax me at that point. All, I could think of was that there was some huge guy named Hanz in the back waiting to give me a rub down.. I was freaked !! We then were led to our little shower rooms... the girl went into some tranquil, mountain, breeze.. speech about the stuff she was putting on the cloth that I was supposed to wash with. Honestly, all I cared about was that it smelled good. I showered, put like five layers of towels on my body, robed up, and started following the girl to my appointment. She informed me that "Dusty was waiting for me". AAAAA !! It is a boy.. almost didn't make it.. but alas, Dusty was a girl. Dusty gave me a facial.. and all of my concerns, fears, and anticipations melted away. Helloooo can you say I was in HEAVEN !! I mean seriously she could have done my facial with me butt naked and I wouldn't have given a crap.. it was incredible and felt amazing !! Andal and I then swapped and Allie gave me a massage.. I seriously was moaning from how good it felt !! Think I scared her a little :) .. All in all, my friends have been right... the spa thing is worth it, and as long as the word spa treatment is involved.. any freakin stranger can touch me from here on out !! I am going as much as I can now.. which is like once a year cause it aint cheap. Chan paid, which was icing on the cake. Thanks Andal for the awesome experience !! And Chan.. you are truly an amazing husband, friend, and man. Lucky to have family like you.... Love you guys !!

Steak Night

My favorite clip from the premiere of "Scrubs" last week... Classic !!

May The Force Be With You

The past week when I had the boys.. little Hutcher got a Star Wars toy. It was a toy that had to do with a scene from "Return of the Jedi". Hutcher seems to be into Star Wars lately, so I asked him if he had seen the movie.. and he didn't, so we watched it. How freakin cool is it to share I movie that I love from like twenty years ago.. with my nephews. They were asking me questions.. and there was a little confusion between Annakin turning into Darth, and Leah and Luke being related... But Hutcher was epeciallly intent on getting all the Star Wars soap opera down. It was a not to forget moment, that this cool movie, with a good message that impacted me... impacted him. :>) Our favorite was Chewie's call.. had to get the boys trying to do it...

The Me Shrine

The other night I was helping my sister put away her Christmas Deco.. and I took one of my Dad's Santa pictures off the wall. I asked him what he wanted to put in its place, and he told me there were a bunch of framed pictures in the garage I could choose from. So I chose this one. :>) She is hot !! I then put candles under it. Every shrine must have candles....

Mmmmm.... Cupcakes

I seriously love cupcakes...it is like a bite full of heaven. Plus... with cake it seems like you get more cake then you do frosting.. With cupcakes you can pile on the frosting and get an even amount of frosting and cake... Yah confusing, but I love them. Made some Valentine ones with the boys !!

Tessa Be Coming

So baby Tessa be coming soon !! I am sooo excited to be an aunt to a baby girl.. Charlie and Stacy and I got cracking on decorating her room... They did most of it.. but I got to paint some of the wall !!

Yoho.. Yoho.. A Pirates Life For Me

Aaaargh Maties !!... We be jolly at Pirate Pizza....

Make a Smilebox scrapbook