I Still Love Him....

Lovin Super Sundays

Most every Sunday I go over and hang with the McArthur/Sharp clan. This Sunday for Superbowl was no exception. Jose made some kick ass primerib.. and then the old ladies played games as everyone else watched the game !! Good times.. good people.. good food... Love it !! The video is of Grandma.. trying to "Raise the Roof" cause she won !! Trying is the key word here...

The Many Faces of Tessa

Tessa is just getting bigger and funner by the moment !! I decided to capture some of her faces with my phone as I was holding her... From left to right.. starting at the top.. Tessa tired, Tessa thinking.. "What the?", Tessa scared !!, Tess rolling her eyes.. good hell Tampa !!, Tessa deep in thought, Tessa pissed, Tessa enlightened by the deep conversation with Tampa.. and now Tessa is tired again.. :)

White Boy Can Jump

Today, Pops and I went up to Cedar to watch Hutcher play basketball. It was just freakin cool !! The kid is five, but seriously is a stud. I can't wait till all the boys get bigger and I can watch them play... cause if it is half as fun as it is now.. it will be awesome. Wish I could get up there more to watch... next on my list is Porter in basketball :)

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

I Grew Up on The Street

This week was another classic scrubs !! Sesame street characters were on it.. and it was awesome. The first six minutes were my favorite.. here is a clip. The best line..."I grew up on the street.. No not the hood.. Sesame Street." Ha !! I love it. For some reason this clip might take awhile to download so hit play.. then still pause to let it download for awhile. Then turn down my music on the left to watch...

A Dog and Her Burger

Every night before Nut goes to sleep.. she finds her burger. I call it her lover... she licks it, and nuzzles it, and stares at it before she will go to sleep. The thing is old, torn, and got some black slimy gook on it. It is disgusting, but it is her lover.. so I don't have the heart to throw it away. :)

Never Lose Hope

I have been stuck on a song lately.. you know the ones. You like it so much you keep hitting repeat, and rock out in the car to it, over and over again. Sometimes I think I should have been an English Teacher cause sometimes I get too deep, annoyingly so !! :) Well, my latest song is by one of my favoritist bands.. Nickelback, "Gotta be Somebody". I love the meaning of the song and what it stands for. It definitely applies to me because I am still looking for that somebody. The video is awesome... as they are singing in different places.. the earth is shaking, cracking.. and you really don't know why. Then at the end.. there are tons of people around them, jumping up and down dancing. I think this shows.. that a lot of times we might think we are alone.. but there are really people all around us shaking us up, changing us, being there for us.... and sometimes in the right moments, and when we really look we see them. It is not an easy thing to be a single, chubby, 36 year old, mormon gal, living in St. George. Now I am not saying this for pity or compliments.. just telling it like it is. :) I used to really let it get me down.. but now I find that I am content with my life, so content that I finally have hope.. hope that someday I will find that somebody !! I have come a long way.. in obtaining those feelings.. and those of you that know me.. understand this. So my earth is shaking, and I just don't see him yet..he could be... Captain Moroni waiting for me in the after life, or some really hot Australian guy that always wears a loin cloth, or the guy I never notice behind the to go counter at Harmon's. The possibilities are limitless!! So I listen to these lyrics, and watch the video with a renewed hope. A hope that someday I will find that somebody... Cause there has gotta be somebody out there for me !! Turn down my music to the left to watch...

Weekend Update

Publish Post

You don't have to travel to colorful places.. to have a colorful life !! I had a variety of great things happen this weekend.....

I was introduced to Facebook by one of my old friends, Mel. I have been asked to get on Facebook before and haven't.. but Mel was persuasive. What a blast!! I am addicted.. I have found tons of old friends, which has been awesome. I posted tons of old photos as a dedication.. and everyone seems to be loving them.. Like I need another internet addiction... Facebook and Blogging !!

My little Taloo Boo.. performed with the cheerleaders at the basketball game. She did a great job!! It is so funny cause she hates it when people watch her perform.. she is always telling Michelle.. don't look at me !! Ha !!























This be Kenyon.. he is a spaz.. and I love it!! I took tickets at the basketball game on Friday. We played Pine View, which just happens to be our big rivals. We won !! Yep, yep !! But, I loved Kenyon's spirit.. he rocks!! I tried to get him to hold still for the pic.. but the kid never holds still !!





















Chilled with my new niece Tessa... of course.. DUH!! Love this pic.. it looks like she is smiling.. I keep telling Stace she smiled at me.. even though she is too little.. I know she does !! Stace calls her "Little Mama".. very cute. She is such a good Mommy. I am very proud of her !!






































Friday at school I took a "What Disney Hero Are You?" Quiz with some of my students... I was Quasimodo!! What the hell? We were just laughing forever about that one!!

Amore... What is it?

Lately, for some reason I have been thinking about...LOVE.. and what it means. I think it has been a culmination of things that have led me to this pondering. Tessa being born, Valentine's Day coming up, Mikey bugging me about finding someone to marry, some of my girls at school struggling with relationships... etc. I am not getting any younger... I remember one of my bosses telling me that when you turn 35... your knees start hurting as you climb the stairs. When I turned 35 a couple of years ago, I was proud of the fact that my knees didn't hurt. Especially with my fatness adding the extra pressure.. Well, just last week it happened.. they hurt.. and it sunk in... oldness. :>) So in my oldness and experiences, I feel that I have been blessed with some insight on love. Now mind you.. love still eludes me, I am not married so I think I lack some light on romantic love.. but like anyone else I am learning the love road on a daily basis. This is what that road means to me now...

SACRIFICE....The truest form of love has to begin with some sort of sacrifice... whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual... we have to be willing to give up a part of ourselves to that person we love. We must do this with no thought of repayment, or malice. But with the thought that this sacrifice will only make us better and stronger connected to that love for that person. I have learned that sometimes this sacrifice is extremely painful. I think of my mom.. and all that has come about with her and I these past years... so much pain.. yet her and I both sacrificed in those painful moments.. and what I have come to realize is that I did it, and was willing to, cause I loved her. Even though that pain is still real and there.. I will continue to travel on that road of love as a sacrifice. It has made me love her deeper, I think. Beyond what this life can comprehend. I know.... I KNOW.. that in the next life that love will be compensated because of our sacrifices.

I LOVE ME.... Yah, I am fat... and proud of it. I have struggled with this all of my life.. I am a Miller. I still struggle with it... but what I am learning is that.. I am harder on myself than anyone else.. and...beauty comes from within. There is a light within all of us.. and that light shines based on how much we love ourselves. The truest form of love is basic.. we must love ourselves in order to love others. We shouldn't love ourselves based on how we look, or what we accomplish.. but in how we treat others and serve others. This is where we can look past our faults and give ourselves to others.. and it makes us beautiful !! I have learned this through my career. How I love to wake up, and go to my classroom, and have kids need me to help them. I relish in loving them and being there for them. Now, mind you I fall at times.. and forget about this TRUEST FORM of love. But, these kids.. remind me all the time. Just the other day, I was talking to some kids about relationships... and my grumpy Maxi was being grumpy as usual.. and I said.. "Better be careful Maxi.. or you will end up alone like me." And, without missing a beat, he stated, "You are not alone Tam, you have us." Truely, we cannot love others without truly loving ourselves !!

CONNECTION, A FULL CIRCLE... Lastly, I think in love there has to be some sort of connection or familiarity. When, I think of the people that I truly love in my life there is a whisper of knowledge that sometime, somewhere, I knew you before. I cannot deny this.. for I have felt it numerous times. Holding Tessa, or Coop, or Porter, or Hutcher.... I knew them.. there is a connection. I have family and friends.. that love comes so easy with, that I know we were and will always be together. We have chosen before to be with the people we most love.. there is no chance to it.. and no limit. Unfortunately, I think nowadays, this connection is confused with sex, or physical closeness.. but what I have tried to explain to the girls that come to my room looking for that connection is that... "Familiarity, and comfortableness... with just being doesn't come from sex.. but from that connection of before, and of being better people together." This connection we feel with others.. is only love if what we do together lifts us up and helps us be better people to ourselves and each other. The connection is a full circle.. we connect.. lift.. then we are lifted... that is love.

So, I just had to share.. it has been weighing on my mind... and I felt the need to talk about it here.. This is the longest post I have done. :>) I hope that in some way it helps whoever it is meant for... cause if it does... love has happened !!

Grey Moments

K... I don't know about you.. but last weeks Grey's Anatomy episode was amazing. The last ten minutes of the show... was some of the most touching, powerful, stuff on television I have seen in awhile. I was only able to get this one scene... but there was so much more referenced at the end. Like... redeeming our mistakes, walking tall when we have failed, love of a family, and sacrifice... Just awesome !! Thank you TIVO :>)

Naughty Nina !!

It is a good thing that my Nina Bean is cute... cause sometimes.. UGH !! I want to strangle her. Her favorite thing lately is digging holes in my backyard. She will run back in my house with dirt all over her nose and paws. When I yell at her she looks up at me with those baby browns... "What mom??" .. "What did I do??"... Good Hell !! :>)

Lovin' Being an Aunt

Make a Smilebox postcard