Amore... What is it?

Lately, for some reason I have been thinking about...LOVE.. and what it means. I think it has been a culmination of things that have led me to this pondering. Tessa being born, Valentine's Day coming up, Mikey bugging me about finding someone to marry, some of my girls at school struggling with relationships... etc. I am not getting any younger... I remember one of my bosses telling me that when you turn 35... your knees start hurting as you climb the stairs. When I turned 35 a couple of years ago, I was proud of the fact that my knees didn't hurt. Especially with my fatness adding the extra pressure.. Well, just last week it happened.. they hurt.. and it sunk in... oldness. :>) So in my oldness and experiences, I feel that I have been blessed with some insight on love. Now mind you.. love still eludes me, I am not married so I think I lack some light on romantic love.. but like anyone else I am learning the love road on a daily basis. This is what that road means to me now...

SACRIFICE....The truest form of love has to begin with some sort of sacrifice... whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual... we have to be willing to give up a part of ourselves to that person we love. We must do this with no thought of repayment, or malice. But with the thought that this sacrifice will only make us better and stronger connected to that love for that person. I have learned that sometimes this sacrifice is extremely painful. I think of my mom.. and all that has come about with her and I these past years... so much pain.. yet her and I both sacrificed in those painful moments.. and what I have come to realize is that I did it, and was willing to, cause I loved her. Even though that pain is still real and there.. I will continue to travel on that road of love as a sacrifice. It has made me love her deeper, I think. Beyond what this life can comprehend. I know.... I KNOW.. that in the next life that love will be compensated because of our sacrifices.

I LOVE ME.... Yah, I am fat... and proud of it. I have struggled with this all of my life.. I am a Miller. I still struggle with it... but what I am learning is that.. I am harder on myself than anyone else.. and...beauty comes from within. There is a light within all of us.. and that light shines based on how much we love ourselves. The truest form of love is basic.. we must love ourselves in order to love others. We shouldn't love ourselves based on how we look, or what we accomplish.. but in how we treat others and serve others. This is where we can look past our faults and give ourselves to others.. and it makes us beautiful !! I have learned this through my career. How I love to wake up, and go to my classroom, and have kids need me to help them. I relish in loving them and being there for them. Now, mind you I fall at times.. and forget about this TRUEST FORM of love. But, these kids.. remind me all the time. Just the other day, I was talking to some kids about relationships... and my grumpy Maxi was being grumpy as usual.. and I said.. "Better be careful Maxi.. or you will end up alone like me." And, without missing a beat, he stated, "You are not alone Tam, you have us." Truely, we cannot love others without truly loving ourselves !!

CONNECTION, A FULL CIRCLE... Lastly, I think in love there has to be some sort of connection or familiarity. When, I think of the people that I truly love in my life there is a whisper of knowledge that sometime, somewhere, I knew you before. I cannot deny this.. for I have felt it numerous times. Holding Tessa, or Coop, or Porter, or Hutcher.... I knew them.. there is a connection. I have family and friends.. that love comes so easy with, that I know we were and will always be together. We have chosen before to be with the people we most love.. there is no chance to it.. and no limit. Unfortunately, I think nowadays, this connection is confused with sex, or physical closeness.. but what I have tried to explain to the girls that come to my room looking for that connection is that... "Familiarity, and comfortableness... with just being doesn't come from sex.. but from that connection of before, and of being better people together." This connection we feel with others.. is only love if what we do together lifts us up and helps us be better people to ourselves and each other. The connection is a full circle.. we connect.. lift.. then we are lifted... that is love.

So, I just had to share.. it has been weighing on my mind... and I felt the need to talk about it here.. This is the longest post I have done. :>) I hope that in some way it helps whoever it is meant for... cause if it does... love has happened !!